I had a blog on another site, but I didn't really like the site, so I decided to come over here and start new. I'm just going to copy and paste all the past posts into 1 lump post and go from there.
April 22, 2009: So, here I begin again...let me start by giving some backround. I'm 26 years old, married since May '06 to the same man I've been w/since I was 17. We live in a smaller town in southern CT w/our 2 dogs. Since moving into our house in Nov. '06 we have spent the majority of our time fixing it up, to go from ugly and dated, to beautiful and ours. We are both looking forward to a big, new change in our lives. I'm very excited b/c I've been wanting to have kids for a long time now. I always wanted to be a younger mom, and when I got married at 23 I thought it was possible. But my husband wanted to wait until he finished school, so I agreed b/c I figured he was right. Now he has only 2 more weeks left! So we decided that I would go off birth control in Sept. '08 and we'd start trying in Jan. '09, which we did. Unfortunately I still have not gotten pregnant, but realize this may take time. Being on the pill for 9 years can do that to your body!
So since Sept. my body has been trying to regulate itself since being off the pill. For the 1st few months my cycles were right on time. I had horrible PMS symptoms consisting of extremely sore breasts, bad cramps, irritability, etc. My cycle in Dec. was long, almost 40 days. B/c of that I had decided to try acupuncture at the end of Jan. and have been going ever since. I love acupuncture and since starting it my last 2 cycles were shorter and my PMS symptoms barely show at all. How I've felt about the whole process so far is mixed. Excited, scared, ready, happy, scared, frustrated, hopeful, and scared. I've been wanting to have a child for a long time now, so I feel ready in that way. I'm a virgo and a big planner, so I'm sure I'll be doing a ton of research and reading way too much crap, but it's just how I am. Hell, I've been reading about this stuff for a couple years now just to have an idea of what to expect and what I was going to be getting myself into when the time finally came.
So I'll be back, hopefully posting more regularly. Guess good luck to us!
April 22, 2009: Cycle Day 42 and Another Neg. HPT
UGHHHHHHHH! I can’t believe it. I just tested my 4th time in 2 weeks and another negative test, yet I still don’t have my period. WHY?! I started acupuncture at the end of Jan. after my cycle went from 28-30 days to 39 days. I thought it was working great b/c my next cycle was 34 days and the following one 31 days. So why is this happening now? I can’t stand it. This while I hear about every other woman not even trying getting pregnant. I didn’t have an appointment w/my acupuncturist last Sat. like I normally do, so he doesn’t know about this yet. I’m going to email him after this and get his take on all this.So guess I’ll be back once I can get more information about what’s going on. This sucks!!!!!!
April 23, 2009: Waiting For OB/GYN to Call
Emailed acupuncturist yesterday to let him know what’s been up w/me and asked what he thinks I should go. He told me to call my doctor to get a blood test and meanwhile, live like I’m pregnant. I had heard that most doctors won’t bother making an appointment w/you until cycle day 60, at least, so I was very surprised when the office told me that the dr. will call me today and will probably have me get a blood test done and if that turns up negative she will then give me something that will start my period. Didn’t even know that was possible! When I told the woman on the phone that I was on cycle day 42, she expressed that that’s way too long, which is what I really needed and wanted to hear.
I printed out my chart to show my dr. if it turns out I’m not pregnant and will also ask her why she thinks I’ve been getting dizzy everyday for a couple weeks now. I personally don’t think I’m pregnant and so the dizziness has been bothering me. Of course I could easily be wrong, but I just think I’d be puking like crazy already if I was. My mom was very sick for at least the 1st 5 months of being pregnant w/me (I am the 1st born) starting at week 2, so I thought I would mirror her pregnancy at least a little bit. W/that said, I have been a little nausous for the past couple weeks, but think its more gassiness then anything, so guess I’ll find out today or maybe tomorrow.So ’til next time…
April 23, 2009: Dr. Called - No Testing Yet
So she confirmed what I had been told by others, that she won’t see me or have me get a blood test until it’s been 60 days. If nothing happens w/in that time, I call her on May 11th and go get a blood test and then go from there. She stated that sometimes your period just does this every now and then. This kinda sucks b/c I just want to know. I’m sure I could have pushed for a blood test now, but I also know she’s a great doctor and I’m going to do what she thinks is right. Now I’m going to email my acupuncturist to let him know and probably get another appointment, if he thinks I should. So I guess no real new news. Just playing the waiting game still. So until next time…
April 27, 2009: Cycle Day 47 and It’s Finally Here
For the past few days I’ve had only 2 main PMS symptoms, really sore boobs and some really light cramps. Still, didn’t know whether my period would ever show or not, so didn’t think much of them. This morning I woke up w/some big cramps, but figured they were just from the pig out day I had yesterday. I’d even gone to the bathroom a few times this morning before anything showed. But then there it was…making me face some mixed emotions. I was happy to see it finally show, but sad b/c it confirmed 100% that I am not pregnant like I wished I was.
What a process this has been! This is cycle day 47 and finally my period shows. I have never had a cycle last this long. Still have no idea what could have made it that way, maybe it’s just how my body feels like working right now. What really pisses me off is that I’ve been getting acupuncture for months and it was not only supposed to help me get pregnant, but also help my cycle be normal. So what the fuck?! Should I be going to someone else for acupuncture? And we’ve been trying since Jan. (actively trying ), only 26 years old…I just figured this would be a much quicker process.The more I think about this shit the more pissed off I get. So should I just chill out and stop thinking so much? I’m trying! I really do try to have a good, positive outlook on the whole thing, but it gets hard when things like this happen. But the negativity doesn’t help anything, it makes it worse. So maybe I wallow for the day and let that be that.
So we’re off again on another cycle. Please wish us good luck, we need and want it. Hopefully I’ll be in better spirits in my next post.
June 2, 2009: HELLO Aunt Flo…again
Yep, cycle day 36 and my period shows up. WTF?! I don’t get it! My husband and I are both healthy 26 year olds, yet we’ve been trying to get pregnant since Jan. and still nothing. Why?! I mean, i get what the possibilities could be, but still, this sucks! I really try not to get discouraged, but every month it just gets harder. I honestly believed this wouldn’t happen like this. I thought we’d have no problem and I would get pregnant right away, otherwise I would have gone off the pill a long time ago.
And lately its not so much that I’m in a rush to get pregnant, it’s that I get more scared and saddened that it’s taking so long. I’ve been going through some other stuff also, and just been having some issues mentally, but I really try to be optimistic and relaxed. But I swear around the time my period is coming, I’m a different person. If I’m not snapping at every little thing, I want to be but am holding it inside. I hate it so much and at those moments it’s really hard to stay sane like I’m supposed to be, but I still really try.
I’m done going to acupuncture…what a waste of money that seems like now. I don’t even know what else to do though. I was taking some supplements for the 1st 2 months, but that was getting a little pricey for me and I really didn’t think I’d still be trying in June, I thought for sure I’d be pregnant already. So maybe it’s time to start supplements again. And to be completely honest, I havn’t really checked in on my husband to make sure he’s been taking his regular multi vitamin supplements everyday, so I’m going to have to get on that too. What else can I do that I’m not already doing? I eat right, don’t really drink alcohol anymore, workout regularly, maintain a very healthy weight, keep my stress down for the most part, don’t smoke and try to stay away from those that do….you know, the usual shit. Maybe I should just drink all the time, do drugs, and just completely fuck up my body like some of the scumbags I hear about getting pregnant out of nowhere. Alright, so I’m not actually going to do that shit, but it’s just frustrating.
So here we go again, onto another cycle…please wish us lots of luck b/c we need it bad!
July 15, 2009: Taking a Break
After being almost 2 weeks late again, I got my period this past Sat. afternoon. Trying not to be upset by this and not to be stressed by it, I’ve decided to take a break. Not sure how long of a break I’m going to take, maybe just 1 cycle, we’ll see. I just can’t stand that its taking us so long and that my cycles are too long. Stress is not good for this process, so that’s why it’s probably a good time to take a break. I should have my annual ob/gyn appointment in August or Septemeber and I’ll see what she has to say about all this. But for now, I’m on a break, just going to enjoy my time w/my husband, we’ll keep having plenty of sex ;P. Be back soon!
August 13, 2009: Ummmm, Am I Pregnant?
Like i said in my last post, i was very lax w/the ttc process this past cycle. No temp taking, no paying attention to what cycle day i’m on, really, just no real thinking about this whole thing. Of course saying “no thinking” and actually doing it are 2 completely different things. I did find it hard not to think about it, especially w/friends and family who insist on asking if/when we want to start having kids on a weekly basis. My friends know what’s up for the most part, but family doesn’t know we’ve been actively trying since Jan.
Anywho, for the last 2-3 weeks my boobs have been killing me! I didn’t even know they could be this sore and for this long. For a bit of tmi, it definitely hinders some of our sex life, but we were able to deal w/it. Then i started noticing that i seem a little gassy and am really bloated and oddly, extremely thirsty even though i’m drinking more water then normal. Still, i didn’t chalk this up to being pregnant, just something my body feels like doing now that it’s off the pill. A few days ago i did notice what looked like a very little, very light amount of blood when i wiped after going to the bathroom a few times, but again, didn’t think that i was pregnant. But now that i’ve been suffering through the sore breasts and this insane bloating for so long, i decided to just test this morning. I got these strip tests from an website recommended by other women on thebump.com forum b/c of it’s cheap prices and accuracy. Since i didn’t really think i was pregnant, i didn’t take the test exactly like the instructions state, but damn close enough. I thought what i was seeing was negative, but once i read the instructions, i found that it said it was a positive. But i just don’t know. I do plan to test again soon, but i would like to try to wait ’til at least Sat. to get a more affirmative answer. I don’t want to believe the positive yet. Especially since i didn’t take the test 100% exactly like the directions said, and b/c when i looked into it online, i see how i could have gotten a false positive (from urination leaking too far on the test and/or from it being a chemical pregancy/misscarriage).
So guess i’ll be back in a few days w/an update. Hope it’s a happy one! Til next time…
August 15, 2009: According To 3 HPTs…
yep, pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can’t believe it! Seriously, i’m in such shock, it doesn’t feel real yet. I took 2 more tests (2 different brands) this morning right when i woke up. My husband had just gotten up so i went in to tell him. He didn’t seem very phased by it, there was no jumping for joy by either of us. We are just in complete disbelief right now. We keep talking about it here and there, but we are both trying not to get overly excited until i go to the dr. and get the positive from them. The more we talk about it, the more real it does start to feel. But i really think we’re both too nervous to get really excited about it. That’s why i’m keeping this post quick. After i go to the dr., i’ll be back. ‘Til then…
