24 Weeks W/Pictures

Its been 2 weeks now, x-mas has passed and the new year starts in a couple days.  I've been feeling pretty good lately.  Getting some nursery stuff done, got some baby gifts for x-mas, taking good care of myself.  Unfortunately i got a call early monday morning that my uncle died in a car accident the night before.  It was my mom's sister's husband, not someone i was fond of, but also not someone who deserved to pass so young, at only 49 years old.  The services will be this friday and saturday.  My aunt is taking it pretty hard, but i think she'll be ok.  She has a lot of family and friends around her, helping her through.  They have a 13 year old son together and i hope he'll be ok too.  And i was just thinking about how i can't wait for this year to be over b/c i've been to too many wakes and funerals this year.

I took some pictures this morning, my how i've grown!  There's no mistaking it now, i definitely look pg.  I've been working at rite aid weekly now, but still don't seem to be getting in as many hours as i'd like.  Now that the holidays are coming to an end, i hope that changes.  I do like the job for the most part.  Sometimes it can be very boring b/c of how slow it is, but otherwise, i do like it.  It hasn't been too hard on me yet either.  What's been hard is doing that and keeping up w/all the shit i have to get done at home.  But that also could have been b/c of everything i needed to do for x-mas, we'll see.  I like pretty much everyone i've met at the job too.  I just end up frustrated sometimes b/c they haven't done much training w/me, yet i get left alone at the register for my entire shift and need to call someone up to help more then i should be.  I still haven't told them i'm pg, but they have to know by looking at me by now.  But the point i'm at now, its just, how the hell do i tell them?  Soon i will.

W/all the goodies this holiday, i was suprised i only weighed in at 119.4lbs yesterday morning.  Even though my body hates sugar and i shouldn't be eating cookies and whatnot anyways, i just couldn't help myself this season.  I've been feeling off and on about my body lately.  Some days i feel pretty good b/c i really do look pg and not just fat.  Some days i feel bad b/c i feel like i look 'big'.  Pg, but also just big and its not what i'm used to seeing in the mirror.  Maternity clothes definitely help, the fit is a lot more flattering.  Now i'm a desperate search for a better fitting pair of maternity jeans and a maternity coat, both in prices i can afford.  Its hard, i'm not finding anything!  I have to hit up a maternity thrift store that i know of, but its at least 30min away, so finding the time to go has been really tough.  I've been good about keeping up w/my workouts and am working to get my eating habits back on track, although they really haven't been that bad.

I've been feeling tons of movement from this baby boy!  I mean a ton!!!  He's very active, except when i want him to be.  Over the holidays i really wanted a few family members to be able to feel him, but he just layed there.  My mom was able to feel him, so that was really nice.  I even got to see my stomach move from a kick back on the 20th.  It was nuts!!!  I've seen it a couple times since, i don't know what i'm gonna do when i see an actual limb or something move by.

I've been getting a lot of leg cramps lately.  They suck!!!  For x-mas i did a lot of baking, so i spent all day thursday on my feet and that just killed my body.  I don't even think its been able to fully recover yet since i'm still always on the move.  I'm really hoping to get some time in the next few days to not only get shit done in the house, but also get needed rest.

Still suffering through heartburn almost daily.  Gas often too, but not every single day.  Aw, gotta love pregnancy 'side effects'.

My innie belly button is slowly turning into an outie.  I'm really hoping it doesn't actually pop out, but it looks like its making its way.  When i do things like pilates w/only a sports bra on, you should see what the thing looks like!  It does this pop out thing, its so weird!

Oh, got my 1st stranger comments.  Working at rite aid on sunday i had a customer at the register drop something and when i bent over to get it she made a comment like "you shouldn't be doing that in your condition" and then proceeded to ask me some non-annoying questions about things.  A little bit later a man paid for his things and just said "its a girl" when he was walking out the door.  I told him its really a boy and he said i was carrying high and that i looked really healthy and good.  That made me feel really nice.

We got a few gifts for him for x-mas.  His grandmama (R's adoptive mom and biological grandma) got him a super soft blanket that i think is for laying on the floor, a black and white little teddy bear, and a dr seuss book.  His nonna (my mom) got him a pic frame.  His great grandma (my grandma/mimi) got him a couple dr seuss books and so did a friend of ours, ernie.  I also finally got to the store w/my mom and finished our registry.  While there we both grabbed a couple items for him, i got him 1 warm outfit and my mom got him a warm tigger hat w/matching mittens and a warm fleese tigger outfit.  I feel like i'm leaving at least 1 thing out, but whatever, no biggie.

R has been doing some nursery stuff.  We found out a dresser we already own used to be the changing table for his brothers and sisters, so he sanded that down and has started staining it to match our crib.  He also started on the closet. It needs to be done completely, so he got a clothing rod and put some cubbies/shelves.  I can't wait, everything's gonna look great!  He's already working hard on the room, he's so great about that stuff.

Think that covers most things for now.  'Til next time...

22 weeks - Feeling Great and Updates!

22 weeks today, i feel like i should be further along though!  Some days i just feel like he's never gonna get here and then i look at my checklists for what i should be doing and when and all i think is "there's not enough time!"  I've been on cloud 9 the past couple days.  This past monday i had another checkup and had another u/s so the tech could make sure his heart chambers looked good b/c the last one he wouldn't get into the proper position.  Everything still looks great and we even got some great profile pictures.  He's so cute!!!  I know, but he is!  I wanted to talk to whomever i was meeting w/about my weight gain again, but when she came in she (a midwife i hadn't met before) was kinda weird and didn't say anything about my weight, so i didn't talk about it.  I will talk about it next time b/c i'll be meeting w/a dr i haven't met yet and just want to make sure i'm doing ok w/my lower calorie eating plan.  This morning i weighed in at the same weight i did last week, so i'm thinking what i'm doing is working, but if i don't gain anything next week, i might not be eating enough.  I'd just like to get a dr's opinion on it all though.  But its so nice to hear that my baby is doing so good!  Unless there's any problems, that should be the last time we see him before he comes out.
Other then that, i've just been getting ready for the holiday.  I'll be doing a lot of baking next week and also making a big baked ziti dish for x-mas eve dinner at my parents.  Its the 1st time i'm doing that, i'm so nervous.  I know i make a really good baked ziti, but i feel like the pressure's on!
I start really working at rite aid this friday.  I've gone in 3 days already just for training videos though.  This friday i start training on the register, i'm excited and nervous.  I hope this extra money really is as helpful as i need it to be.  I still haven't told them i'm pg, but i will soon.  It just hasn't needed to come up yet.  I thought about it and it really shouldn't affect my work at all, so hopefully they take it well.  I've worn fitted tops there a few times, so either they already think i'm pg or just think i'm fat.

My great aunt and uncle bought us our crib.  It was delivered last week and we put it together on sunday to make sure it wasn't scratched or missing anything.  It came out beautiful!  Its in our bedroom right now b/c we have so much work to do in his room, we didn't want it to get ruined.  I just hope it makes it thru the bedroom doors!

I ordered a bunch of maternity clothes from old navy and those came in yesterday.  I love everything, but the 2 dresses are too big and i'm sending them back for smaller sizes.  I'd really like to get out to this maternity thrift store very soon for a few more basic tops, maybe another pair of jeans, and probably even a winter coat b/c its becoming harder to zip up the ones i have.  I don't know why i thought i could go thru the whole winter w/o needing a maternity coat.


My weight is up about 17lbs., i weighed in this morning at 117.4, so that's a really good change.  I actually weigh the same i did last week, so i guess my new habits are making a difference.  But again, i'd like to talk to my dr about all of this to make sure i'm not undereating (although i don't feel like i am) b/c my baby is still the priority.  I've been really good about keeping my calories between 1700-1800 6 days a week and getting all my workouts in.  Actually, last week i was extra busy and wasn't able to get in all my workouts, yet i still am doing good w/my weight gain.  It just makes me feel so good to know that my changes have made a difference.  I feel so much better about it all then i did even a couple weeks ago.  I do feel like i still look bigger then i should, but i don't care anymore

I'm still getting more bloated as the day goes on, but i haven't really felt too gassy lately which is a welcome change.  The heartburn comes and goes, some days i don't even get it at all.

I'm having more trouble sleeping.  Its more that i end up waking up a lot on my back, so i guess its my body's way of telling me to roll onto my side, but it wakes me up a lot.  My energy levels aren't up at all, but i just wonder if i could get a full, solid nights sleep if that would help at all.

Feeling him move everyday now.  Its funny, sometimes it feels like gas bubbles, sometimes it even tickles a little.  Its awesome to feel him!  R finally got to feel him on the 5th.  He seemed to really like that, but has only felt him 1 other time.  I know a lot of people say that when they eat sugar it makes their baby go crazy, but sugar makes me feel sick and b/c i watch what i eat, i just don't get to eat it often enough to do anything.

My mom and i might be going on the 27th to finish up my registry in the store.  I finished everything i'm gonna do online and even have it set up in my real name now.  But i need to add more stuff and need to do it in the store.  So much to think about!  It is nice to have a lot of it done though.

My lower back has been bothering me a lot lately.  I asked for a massage for an x-mas gift, i hope someone got it for me b/c i'll be going asap!  I try to do stretching and use heat patches here and there, but i really think a good massage would be nice.  I hope something helps b/c i know this is just gonna get worse!

I've been getting a lot of leg cramps.  Sometimes I go to stretch my legs out in bed and can feel about i'm about to 'pull' something.  Even just walking sometimes i'll all of a sudden get a sharp pain in my calve(calves).  It does suck!  I'm ready to be done w/that part of all this too.  I just don't want it to get worse.

That's about it for now...

20 Weeks - Updates and Pictures

Yay, 1/2 way there!!!!  I swear, i just feel like its taking forever to get there.  Yet when i think about all the stuff we have to get done, i feel like its flying by.  The growth of my belly is crazy to see.  Big difference by now, there's no hiding it anymore.  But i swear, i look bigger in real life then i do in these pictures, i don't know how that happens.

Have had a bunch going on w/in the last week or so and figured i'd just start w/that stuff.  Celebrated thanksgiving last thurs.  That morning i couldn't sleep, finally got out of bed before 7am, worked out for about 90min., cleaned and got ready, and headed over to a friends house for a little while.  This is my best friend since we were around 14, she lives in ny now, but her parents still live down the street from my parents, so it was nice to see everyone.  I purposely dressed in a cute dress that showed my belly bump, but still made me look a little thinner (totally should have taken a pic!!).  Everything went great there and then i headed home to bake the homemade dinner rolls i was making for dinner at my inlaws.  I was so nervous about them, i've never made them before and was more then delighted when they turned out great.  No one believed they were homemade, what a great compliment!  That meal went fine.  We went to R's mom's house for the meal and that went ok.  I was exhausted by the time we left since i had not stopped all day, yet when i went to lay down at home i just couldn't fall asleep.  Love when that happens!

R is sick.  He's got a cold, i'm pissed!  I think there's been maybe 1 time that he's gotten sick where i havn't caught the cold.  I can't get sick!  Not only do i just hate having a cold, i know it'll be worse now that i'm pg.  The cold hasn't been too bad, so that part is good, but still, i'm not getting sick!  We spray lysol everywhere, even though i really don't like using products like that w/the baby.  We both wash our hands a lot, take extra vitamins, and are sleeping on different floors.  If i could, i'd make him just go stay at his parents house!

Monday my dog T had surgery to get a lump removed.  She's doing great and luckily the lump turned out to be nothing.  I also talked to the manager at rite aid and will be going in this fri. to fill out paperwork and then he said he'll put me on the schedule for next weekend.  I don't even work for this guy yet and he has been nothing but a pain in my ass!  All i keep saying is "i need the money, i need the money", but i know this isn't gonna last.  I keep looking for another job so that i'm prepared, but its hard being so pg.  Oh, and he doesn't even know i'm pg yet, so i'm wondering what will happen when he finds out!

That night i got a call from my friend from ny who told me about a mutual friend whom i kinda broke up w/months ago.  I had been having some issues w/this friend for a while and decided it was time to just end things, so i sent her a long, heartfelt email about everything in sept. and never heard back from her.  I figured she was either pissed at me for saying what i said or felt the same way and just didn't have anything to say.  1 of the issues w/her was that she would barely talk to me about anything real.  She saw my ny friend on thanksgiving and told her how devastated she was about the whole thing and she wishes she could congradulate me on the baby.  It actually pissed me off that she told my ny friend these things, but would never say anything to me.  And i know she was drinking before talking to her, so i'm sure it was a lot of the booze talking.  This is not something i need to deal w/right now, and i wont deal w/it unless i really need to.  I'm just gonna keep going on w/things as i have been, but at the moment i'm just pissed about the whole situation.

Now on to updates:

Weighed in this morning at 116.6.  I don't get it!  If I keep going at this rate, i'll have gained almost 40lbs by the time i'm done and it just doesn't make sense to me.  I keep trying not to let it bother me, but i can't stop it.  I don't get how i can be gaining so much weight when i workout so much and watch what i eat.  Last week i didn't count calories at all, so maybe that was it, i just don't know.  I've started tracking my eating again this week and hope that keep me on a better path.  I've decided to be pretty strict about how many calories i'm eating 6 days and allow sat. to be the day i don't pay attention b/c that's when i get the most exercise in.  I do seem to be more hungry, but i'm just too scared to let myself give in fully.  So some days i might end up eating 100 calories more then i should, but is that really making that much of a difference?!  When i go back to my dr on the 14th i'm gonna see what they say about this.  They're #s are wrong, so i'm gonna get into that a little more too and tell them what my #s at home have been and go from there.  I feel huge right now, but mainly its as the day goes on b/c i just get more and more bloated.  And i guess there's nothing i can even do about that.  Even R notices the big difference from when he sees me before work to when he sees me after.  Its kind of incredible.  Last night i saw my sister and she actually said "you are really fat, i feel so bad for you"!  Yep, my really fat sister said that to me!  But i kinda expect it from her a little bit.  Its just how she is and how our relationship is so i wasn't too offended by it.  Still, its not the greatest thing to hear!

My moods have seemed to evened out for the most part.  I definitely have times when i'm just in an irritated mood.  At least i notice it and i'll say sorry to poor R for it, but still, its not as bad as it was or probably could be.

My boobs have been getting sore.  Not everyday, and even the nipples are sore everyday now.  But still, very uncomfortable and could do w/o this symptom.

I'm feeling him move everyday now!  Its weird, at 1st i think its like gas bubbles or something and then i'm like "oh, its you little boy!"  I can't wait for R to feel him, but for now I can barely feel him inside me.  I am loving it though, its a good sign, it means he's doing good in there.

Still suffering thru daily heartburn and lots of bloat.  I take a tums or 2 sometimes, but not everyday.  I also will take something for the gassiness, but not everyday either.

I've been working on my registery online and its still overwhelming.  Pretty soon i'll add just a few more things and then wait til i go to the store w/my mom to finish b/c i think that will be a little easier.  B/c of the new job, i might not get out there til jan., but we'll see.  I'd really like to just go get it done this month, but i don't know if i'll have the time at all.

No cravings yet, i wonder if i'll ever get them.  As much as i'm trying to eat healthy, i seem to always want the foods i can't and shouldn't have which include cookies and the like.  And if it was cheaper, i'd probably be eating grapefruit every night instead of apples.  I still enjoy the grapefruit the most right now, mmmm, grapefruit!

Sleep is not getting any better.  I keep trying different pillow positions to help me during the night and some nights are just better then others.  On the weekends i'll try to get in a nap too, but i'll take me forever to fall asleep, if i even do.  I don't get it b/c i'll be so tired, i don't know why i can't just drift off. 

Oh my back!  It aches all the time!  My lower back is the main issue, but i think i slept funny the other night and now my upper back, shoulders, and neck have been really achy.  I should be getting at least 1 massage gift certificate for xmas, but i don't know if i can wait that long.  I need a rub down now!

That's all for now, 'til next time...

19 Weeks and It's a BOY!!!

Went to the dr monday and found out the sex.  I just about screamed when she said it was a boy!  I don't know why, but i just wanted this baby to be a boy so bad.  I asked her like a hundred times if she was sure and she said yes.  R proceeded to bust my balls by saying "no, its a girl w/a vagina that sticks out!"  The u/s pic does confirm that he is a boy, check out that blob looking thing to the right of BOY basically pointing at the word.  Yep, that would be his little penis!  Everything else in the u/s looked great.  He's developing right on time and doing amazing.  He was moving around like crazy!  I have to get another u/s done when i go back in a few weeks b/c she couldn't get a clear enough view of his heart chambers, and she said hopefully then we'll also get that really cute profile picture.

I'm just gonna go on about my updates and fill in more details as i go.

I finally felt him for the 1st time on monday!!!  Now i've felt him every day, but not a ton.  When we did the u/s he was moving all around like crazy and the woman doing it actually said she feels a little bad for me, so i'm guessing at some point this will get annoying.  Hey, i don't care, it means he's doing good in there!  Now i can't wait for R to b able to feel him.

I weighed in this morning at 115 (114.8 to be exact!).  That's 2lbs less than monday morning, when i was extremely bloated and ate a bit too much before bed.  Of course then at the dr's its worse b/c i always weigh more there anyways, and add to that that i didn't poop all day!  Its so weird, i feel like every time i go there i can't poop all day, its like a big joke on me.  I met w/a different dr at my monday appt and she said if my weight gain continues at the rate its at, i'll be at like 40lbs when i'm done and that's a little bit higher then they like.  She said if there's even 1 thing that i'm eating daily that i probably shouldn't be, if i just cut that out it should help.  Honestly, as bad as i've been feeling about my weight gain, their #s are wrong.  They're going by the pre-pregnancy weight i told them i was at at home, yet their scales always weigh me in at least 3lbs more.  Still, i'm doing what i can to get in as much exercise as possible w/o overdoing it.  I'm also trying to not eat much for carbs at night and also limit what i eat after dinner, sticking to mainly just fruit and maybe a little bit of natural pb.  Those little things might just be what i need, so we'll see.  The rate i'm calculating, i should gain under 35lbs when all done, but i don't know.

My nipples have been killing me!  Sorry, but they've just been so sore!  I know it's not gonna get any better for a long time, so i'll just suffer thru it.

I keep forgeting to mention that i have heartburn most days.  I rarely ever got heartburn, or gas, before so its weird for me.  But i'm dealing w/it just fine.

Went to the dr about my tendinitis in my wrist and i bascially have to suffer thru it til i can get another injection after i have the baby.  He said if my ob oks it, i could get another injection now.  But he said there's a slight risk to the baby and i just don't even think its worth the risk, so i'll wait.  Ugh!  It sucks b/c it really is painful!

I thought i had pulled a muscle in my sleep the other night, turns out this feeling is a normal part of pregnancy.  I guess i should try to stretch more in hopes this will help.  Just another fun "side effect" of being pg.

I feel like i'm doing better in controling my moods.  I'm also on cloud 9 at the moment since finding out i'm having a boy, so hopefully that'll help too.  I really am trying not to get pissed at nothing, so far i do have to say its working.  Hoping to keep it up!

I started my registry online and bru.  R isn't interested in helping w/the registry, which i'm actually glad about, so i decided to just start it online myself.  Its soooooooo overwhelming!  But i'm getting things added pretty much daily and my mom and i will head to the store itself in a couple weeks.  Its still fun too!
Thats it, til next time...

18 Weeks - Updates

I hit 18 weeks today, 2 more and i'll be "half baked"!  I'm really excited b/c in 5 days we get to find out the sex!!!  I honestly have no idea what it could be, i don't have a 'feeling' or anything like that.  I've only had a couple baby dreams and am pretty sure i didn't know the sex in either.  Every single person in our life wants to know as asoon as we do about the sex, so it'll be a lot of phone calls and texting on monday.

Life lately has been up and down.  I'm still struggling mentally w/the extra fat on my body.  I bought a pair of pregnancy spanx to help look more streamlined in fitted clothes and hopefully help out my self esteem.  They're pretty comfy and do provide a more streamlined look, but i still feel like my thighs are huuuuuuuge.  I also bought 2 pairs of maternity jeans from gap.  The black pair are at the tailor right now getting hemmed, i'll get a pic up of me in them soon.  The dark wash ones are going back to get exchanged for a smaller size.  They're kinda baggie and figured it was worth a shot to just try the smaller size.  The jeans are super comfy though!  I'm so glad i bought them!  They were kinda pricey for me, originally $70, but i got them for $50 each.  Thank God they fit and feel the way they do b/c it makes them worth the money.  I got the demi panel long and lean style, perfect!

I've been applying for jobs at retail stores and hit up a rite aid right by my house.  B/c of its location, i figured it be the best fit of all for me (winter weather can suck here in ct and i hate driving in it) and they are the only place to call me back.  I went in for an interview w/the manager, had to do a follow up phone call thing where i spent 10 long minutes answering the dumbest questions, then had to call the manager back yesterday and now i go in friday to take a drug test.  I know, a drug test?!  But i didn't tell them i'm pg, so whatever.  I was going to tell them, but nothing even close to it came up, so i kept my mouth shut.  Now i don't know when to tell them b/c they'll need to know.  I worked at cvs when i was 16 and know that heavy lifting could be involved and they need to know i can't do that.  I'm also hoping that they give me enough hours.  I'm nervous about being able to handle the work, but i need the $ so bad, i don't have any other choice right now.

My moods have been kinda up and down.  Its more that i let my bluntness come out when its not necessary.  Just b/c someone's annoying me, i don't need to make ball busting comments to them, i should just leave it alone.  This came up last night w/R, but we didn't really get into it b/c i had a dentist appt. to get to.  But i didn't really need to get into it b/c i know he's right.  I've been very ball busty, very blunt w/just about everyone lately and its not right.  Yes, i am a ball buster, but that doesn't mean i have to keep going and going at people when its really not necessary.  So that's something i'm working on right now.  Hopefully it'll also help me be less annoyed w/people, but we'll see.


I havn't been weighing myself b/c it was just getting me down.  Not to mention, it was different everyday, up or down.  I did decide to just take a chance and weighed myself yesterday morning and am up 14lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight.  Not too bad, but not too great.  I'm still hoping that my weight gain evens out.  I only wanted to gain 25lbs, but the way things are going, i'm just praying i don't go over the higher recommended of 35lbs.  I know i've been bloated alot and that isn't helping the # or the way i look.  I've been gassy and i've never been a gassy chic.  I looked into it and and just about anything could be the cause, so i'm hoping to talk to whoever i'm seeing on monday at my dr's office.  I even look down and see that my normally svelt calves are wider and fatter looking.  Come on, will no body part be spared by this extra fat?!!!


My boobs are definitely bigger.  Nipples still hurt, but the boobs usually arn't sore 98% of the time, so i'll take that.

No full on cravings still.  But i do still want subway tuna alot and noticed i want grapefruit daily.  I wouldn't call these cravings b/c i can live w/o them most days, but those are the only 2 things i want everyday.

Sleep is getting tougher.  I keep trying different pillows and positions w/the pillows and some nights things work while other nights they don't.  Maybe this is just something i'll have to deal w/til the end.

I had to take my belly button barbell out today.  It was so sad!  I've had a piercing since i was 16 and forgot what my plain belly looked like, i don't like what it looks like!  I hated having to take it out, especially this soon, but it was causing pain, i almost felt like it was gonna rip right thru my skin.  I miss it already, that pretty piece of jewelry where only R and i would see, but i plan on putting it back in every other day so the hole doesn't close up b/c once i can, that thing is going back in!

Added to my baby items.  Got a 3 pack of white onsies from old navy b/c i needed something cheap to add to get their free shipping.  They're super cute and i might even take the time to decorate them w/stamps or iron ons or something of that nature.  So right now we have those, a halloween onsie, baby book, and we got bibs as gifts for the grandparents.  I decided that if we have the time, we're going to go register towards the end of dec., otherwise we'll wait til early jan. as originally planned.  Its hard, there's just so much to think about.  I also need to narrow down the crib asap b/c my great aunt said she really wants to buy it for us and i'm sure she wants to know soon.

That's basically it for the moment...'til next time...

16 Weeks & Hating My "Fat" Body

I know, i know, i'm pg. My body is gonna get bigger and bigger. But for some reason, everytime i look into the mirror at my body i just wanna cry. I feel like i just look fat all over. I don't see it in my face, so hopefully it's really not there and stays that way, but the rest of me is growing wider. My thighs are bigger, so is my butt, love handles, already wide hips, belly (duh), and arms. I thought i'd be ok w/my growing body. I mean, i AM carrying a baby in there! Yet i just can't get over this. Pre-pregnancy, when i would have big belly bloat, i'd think to myself "well, if i was pg this would be cute". So what is wrong w/me?! Why can't i just accept the fact this is natural and what my body will look like while housing a baby? I wonder if its more b/c my entire body is getting fat, not just my belly. I would love to talk to someone who can help me w/this instead of just shunning my feelings away. I hate to feel like this mentally. I shouldn't feel like this. All i can really do right now is continue working out regularly and maybe even add an extra walk when i can and eat as healthy as possible.

On a nice note, i went to walmart w/R sun. morning and grabbed a super cute halloween onsie. Hopefully it'll fit when the time comes, they only had 1 left and it was a 6-9months size and baby will be just over 6 months next halloween, so its cutting it close! But it's so cute and was totally worth the $1.50 risk.

I was supposed to have a regular check up today w/my ob/gyn dr. fletcher, but they needed to reschedule for some reason and now i'm going in on fri. and meeting w/midwife amanda, who i really like anyways. I just wish they'd set me up to do an u/s then b/c i was told by now they can tell the sex. My appt. is still on mon. the 23rd, but by the time i go in this fri., that's only a little over 2 weeks away. Oh well, gotta work on that patience thing anyways.

So my weight yesterday morning was 111, this morning it was 112.8, wtf?! There's no way i could have gained 2lbs in 1 day, so i don't know where to say my weight gain is at right now. I'll pass on that at the moment. I can't comfortably button my regular jeans anymore, so i'm heading out to kohl's today to see what my options are at the moment. I'm also using my belly bands for the time being.  They're fine, but i'd really like to see what maternity stuff feels like to compare.  I just won a pair of pregnancy spanx off ebay (brand new), so i'm really looking forward to getting those and trying them on.  I'd just like to smooth out all my lumps and bumps and my regular spanx are great for that.  Hope these work out just as great...and hope they fit!

My energy levels are still the same, no change there. And i do get dizzy every now and then, it seems like it happens more when i make any sudden movements.

I've definitely been getting more angry more easily. I went to a family party on R's side this past sat. and was miserable the entire time. I really don't like his older sister and she was there and any time i saw her even near R, i wanted to strangle her. (yeah, not rational!) 1 of my mil's was also there, the 1 i find very hard to deal with, and of course she was a pain in the ass, at 1 point telling me how i look bigger then i should at this week. Thank you, just what i needed to hear! To be honest, in real life, i couldn't really put my finger on what my real problem was, yet i just was so angry and miserable the entire day. Not fun!

My back aches here and there and the tendinitis in my wrist is still very painful.  I don't feel like my lower ab/pelvic area is being ripped apart as often, but it does happen sometimes.

I'm still peeing a lot and drinking tons of water.  I loooooove water!  Some days i just can't get enough of it!  It's just crazy, but i guess this baby is thirsty!

Side note: we're planning out last kid-free vacation.  Going to my families place in florida at the end of jan.  Hoping it'll be nice and warm there, its tough that time of year to tell, i've gone down before and had it been 50-60 degrees.  I'll be 27-28 weeks by then, so i wanted to go before i got too big and uncomfortable.  Its just that R is already wondering what we're gonna do there the whole time b/c i have so many restrictions.  He's really bad at just relaxing and chilling out on vacations, so i'm praying he gets that we'll do as much as we can, but that we really need the relaxation and quiet b/c it'll be the last time for it for a long time.  Fingers crossed!

15 Weeks - Updates, Pics, and Some Voodoo

At 15 weeks now and feeling pretty good. I took a clothed pic last week, but i do have to say, what i was wearing was not something i was feeling good in. To me, its not a flattering shirt, but whatever. I bought my 1st baby item, a really cute baby book. I love it! Won it off ebay for $10 w/shipping. I really wanted to get this now so i could start filling it out and adding photos, like of his u/s.

This past sunday i was at my aunt's and my 2nd cousin's ex-bf's daughter (i know!) did this little test on me that she swears has worked on all her other friends. She took a needle on thread, rubbed the needle on my hand, hung it over my palm and if it moved in a circle it means i'm going to have a girl, back and forth means a boy. The strangest part about the whole thing is that it will actually stop moving and then start again to tell you what you'll have next. It said a girl and then boy for me, we'll see. She did my aunt and it said 3 girls (which she has), my other aunt it said 2 boys (she has 4 boys) before my 2nd cousin stopped it, and on that cousin it didn't move and she doesn't have and will not have kids. Weird! Voodoo! But it was fun and just makes me more anxious to know what this little baby really is.

So i no longer suffer from nausea, although there has been a night or 2 where i definitely was not feeling so hot. I am eating a ton healthier and even trying to improve that everyday. I'm not a huge veggie fan, but the ones i like, i really like, so i'm really taking the time to make sure i can eat more and more where i can. I've started counting calories again (something I did pre-pregnancy) and think it's helped w/the weight gain. I've put on around 10lbs so far, which seems like a lot to me so early on, but have seemed to maintain this weight for the last couple weeks. I've been really trying to make sure i get all my workouts in, extra when i can, and watch my food intake b/c i was definitely eating too much before and i believe these are helping me a lot. I feel hungry a lot, but really try to keep my eating in check b/c i would totally go out of control. On the weekends i try to be more lax about my eating and not count calories, but this past weekend i noticed that by doing that i missed out on a lot of veggie servings, which means i'll have to pay more attention to at least that part. We'll see what happens.

I'm not nearly as tired as i was, but still don't feel full of energy. I try to go to bed as early as possible when i can, usually around 8:30pm, but for the past few days i havn't been able to fall asleep right away. My brain just won't stop going w/all the worry i have about getting everything done for this baby and about figuring out my job situation. I go to bed tired and just thinking about how happy i am to get to bed, and yet once my head hits the pillow i just can't stop all the thoughts in my head. I've gotta get this fixed asap b/c i know just that little bit extra sleep would make a difference. Oh, and the dreams!!!! They suck! This whole pregnancy i've had very vivid dreams, but lately they're more like nightmares. I don't even wanna say what they've been, i keep trying to just forget them, but they're rough!

I just noticed the other day that my boobs have grown again. They don't feel sore most of the time, even my nipples arn't as sensitive, but i'm sure now that i'm saying it, it'll all come right back. I don't like how big they're getting b/c i just feel like i'm too small to have boobs that big. By the time i'm 9 months, i don't know how i'm going to keep from falling over b/c it seems like i'll be all boob and belly!

My back hurts more often, although i think the pilates i'm doing 2x a week is helping. Plus sleeping w/a pillow between my knees. And i keep feeling like my lower ab area/pelvic region is ripping apart. Guess this is normal, just not fun.

The tendinitis in my wrist has been so painful, especially today. I go to the dr on the 23rd (same day we find out the sex of this little guy!), so i hope they can help me there. I don't know what's gonna happen in the end. I may need surgery some time after i have this baby, but i'm hoping that won't be necessary.

I do still get dizzy here and there, but its not often at all. Maybe 1x a week or something.

I feel like i can control my attitude more, but i do still get pissed off at people a lot. But hey, as long as i keep it to myself, i can't be doing that bad, right?!

I'm peeing a lot more, finally. I drink water like crazy! I can never not have it near me b/c i need it all the time, but before i wasn't going to the bathroom like i thought i should be. Finally i'm going at least 1x/hour, but it is annoying!

I've also been feeling overwhelmed a lot. There's just so much to think about. All i have to do to get ready for this baby, all the things i need to get, what will happen once i have this baby, how i really want a new job and need to be making more money, just a lot of stuff. It's hard to get my brain to stop running when i go to bed at night b/c of all this. I honestly sdo try to stay as stress free as i can, and as overwhelmed as i feel about all this stuff, i don't really let it stress me out. Things have just been a little rough for me mentally. Even worrying about my weight gain. I'm hoping to find more ways to just relax myself. Even though its a little ass-backwards, maybe if i can get 1 of the jobs i've been applying for, it'll help. But i just don't know at the moment.

Guess that's good for now. Can't really think of anything else, but that could be pregnancy brain again! 'Til next time...

13 Weeks - Updates

So looking back at my belly pics from last week, i can't believe how big i don't look compared to how i really see myself and how i feel. I'm sure i was pulling my stomach in a bit (natural habit for me from all the pilates i do), but i swear, i'm not complaining about my weight gain b/c its all in my head... i think.

Went to see my ob/gyn on monday. I havn't seen her since my pap last year. My weight was up again, but she kept telling me i was thin. I told her that it made me feel good to hear b/c i've been feeling so bad about my weight gain and she assured me they'd tell me if i was gaining too much. Good! I heard baby's heartbeat, and wow, was it fast and strong! Everything still seems really good, my next appointment is in 3 weeks and then on nov. 23rd we can finally get another u/s to find out what we're having. I'm dying to know!!!!!!!! I'm so impatient, but i'm just praying the wait won't kill me too much!

Since Sunday, i've noticed my nausea is starting to diminish!!!! I'm so happy about this it isn't even funny! I'm not feeling great yet, but i know i'm getting there. I've been able to eat a lot healthier, including a daily salad, and can even go about 2.5 hours inbtwn too. And i also am actually getting hungry. Before i had to eat every 1.5-2 hours just to not feel so sick and even then i'd get so annoyed b/c i wasn't hungry at all. Night time is still rough on me, but not nearly as bad and it seems to start later. Hope this keeps getting better!
I'm still really tired all the time, but it definitely is getting easier to get things done after work compared to even last week.
Boobs/nipples seem to be getting less sore, but that always seemed to come and go anyways, so i'll see what happens. They havn't gotten any bigger either, but i like that, i don't want to keep buying new bras every month.
I'm still about 8lbs heavier then pre-pregnancy. Now that i've been able to eat healthier and less carbs, i'm hoping everything will even out. I don't even feel like my stomach looks as bloated as it did before. Fingers crossed things stay this way for a little bit!
I'm still getting really annoyed w/people, but putting in a lot of effort to at least not let it show. It's hard though! Some days i really do want to scream "how can you be that fucking stupid?!" but i keep it in. Fingers crossed that stays that way too!
That's probably all for now...

12 Week Picture and Updates

I finally got around to taking some more belly pics and figured i'd share. I've been feeling very fat, so this isn't easy for me, but at the same time, i think its good for me to do.

My nausea is still consistent, although i've been taking the ginger pills my mom bought me and they seem to help a lot, but not at night still.

I'm tired all the time, but when i find the time to lay down after work, i usually can't even fall asleep.

I weighed myself this morning and have put on about 8lbs since getting pg, nice! That's double what they say you should be gaining in your 1st tri, so hopefully once i can start eating salads and stuff again, i can even it out. 'Til then, i'm going to pay more attention to how much i'm eating (honestly didn't think it was enough to cause that type of weight gain) and i'm also hoping to start going for hikes at least 1x/week for 1hour at a time, so maybe that'll make a difference too. All i know is that at 5' tall, gaining this much weight sucks worse! I don't look good, all my pants are tight, but at least they still button.

My boobs have been slightly sore, but it's my nipples that are killing me. Mainly my left 1, they feel like they're raw and shirts/bras rubbing on them feel like torture.

I get dizzy sometimes, but not so much it interferes w/my life.

I do find i'm getting more pissed off at people, although i'm still trying my best to control it. Not sure if its the hormones or the other people. I'm going to guess its the hormones.

Pregnancy brain has been whopping me up! Just yesterday, when i went to leave work, i locked my purse and cell in the office, w/the keys to the office. And that's only 1 little thing i've done lately. It's definitely been interesting!

Think that's it for now.

Feeling Blessed and Stressed

So to be exact, I'm at 11 weeks 5 days and still struggling w/the 24/7 nausea. Night time just kills me, it's so bad that I want to just go to bed at 8pm. I feel so boring, Fri. night i was in bed at 9pm, Sat. it was a huge struggle to stay up 'til 10:30pm, and last night i just let myself pass out before 9pm. And no matter when i go to bed, i can't even sleep 'til 7am. Yep, apparently being pg also means having the same sleep schedule as an 80 year old. My mom went to a health food store yesterday where a woman working there convinced her to buy me some ginger pills. So far I've taken 1 about an hour ago, lets see if these things help at all b/c nothing else has.

I'm feeling blessed b/c of the people in our lives. Well, also i'm just so happy to be pg, with or w/o these crappy symptoms, i dream about our little one coming into our life, i look forward to every aspect of crazy changes, and just feel so blessed to be able to go thru this all. Back to the people in our life, we are lucky to have a lot of family and friends around who are truely happy for us. People we wouldn't have expected to be so delighted by our news really are. As a non-parent, when i would find out someone was expecting, i was happy for them, but did not understand the magnitude of it. Most of the people in our lives already have children and seem to really understand that this is going to be the best thing to ever happen to us. It makes us feel so good to have their warm wishes and happiness. We even received our 1st gift, the book what to expect when you're expecting, from my cousin's butchie and deedee. They found out Tues., then showed Wed. morning w/the book wrapped and w/a card! They are the nicest people on the planet and great to just have in my life. I'm blessed to have them and thank them so much for their warmth and kindess.

Why i'm stressed is the same old reason, money! I hate money! HATE it! I've had problems w/my income for a few years now, but since i'm pg now, its really killing me. I'm about $4k in credit card debt b/c i don't make enough money to catch up. I work for family and they pay me dirt. Why i'm still here is sometimes puzzling to me, but i do have my reasons. I have been trying to do something else for a while, its just that when you don't have any other skills or education, its almost impossible to get a job somewhere else making more money. I've actually been feeling good for the past couple months b/c i was supposed to be getting hired at another family business where i'd be making more money, getting good benefits, and staying busy which is really important to me. But it doesn't look like anything is changing there and that i won't be working there. I don't know why this is happening, but it just is and now i'm completely fucked. I can't find anything else and who really wants to hire a pg chic?! It's just rough right now, i'm trying not to stress about it, but its hard. Also, we just found out that our health insurance (thru R's job) is getting worse and our copayments and deductible will probably double. Are you fucking kidding me?! This is happening now?! So i'm just feeling the money pressure right now. I'm still hopeful that something will workout, but we'll see. W/what R makes, we'll be ok, but still, he can't hold us up forever. I need to contribute more, and i just need to work more for my own mentality. Ugh, 'til next time...

10 Weeks and Perfect

Monday was our ultrasound appt. My husband R met me at the office and we were welcomed in pretty quickly. A woman named chris (not sure if she was a midwife or not) took us back where i was given an internal ultrasound. I don't think either of us were prepared to see as much baby as we saw! I thought maybe it would be a blob, but as the picture here shows, it was full on baby! Head, arms, legs, body w/beating heart! And chris said "perfect" so many times i couldn't keep count. PERFECT!!!! You can't get any better than that. Oh, and "only 1". I told her those were the 2 best things she could have said to me. She said we were at 9 weeks and 5 days (which equals 10 weeks today) , so that changes the due date to 4/21, but of course we'll see. Towards the end we watched as he (much better then saying "it") moved around like crazy. It looked like he was even throwing punches! It was the best thing we could have ever seen. We were both so happy about being able to see him and to hear how great everything is. But no crying. Maybe later in the game.
After the ultrasound we met w/Amanda, another midwife in the practice. She was awesome. I really liked her and R seemed to too. She was easy to talk to. Everything just went so well. We left there so happy, w/our envelope filled w/sonogram pictures.
We went home to let out 1 of our dogs, then started out to tell the family. Everyone was very happy and we already know we're getting a bunch of hand-me-downs, which i love. Word spread fast, i think almost everyone knows now. I'm happy about that though. Everyone is excited and its nice to not have to hide being pg anymore. We were told we now have only a 5% chance of miscarriage and that figure just took a huge weight off my shoulders.
So i'm still feeling nauseous most of the time and really tired. It's still hard to get anything around the house done, but i'm trying. I'm definitly ready to move on to the next tri, but am just so ridiculously happy to know that my baby is healthy, and perfect! 'Til next time...

9 Weeks - It's Been Kinda Rough

I can't believe i'm at 9 weeks! I'm so glad, i just want to get out of this 1st tri. The constant nausea has been rough on me. I've discovered that if i eat more often, then it doesn't hit as bad, but still, it does suck. I'm getting sick of eating so much. It's hard to pay attention to, i have to always be aware of when i ate last so i don't screw it up. And i feel really fat most of the time. I know this is normal, but it doesn't help on top of the nausea and fear of miscarriage. I'm sure a lot of the time i'm more bloated then anything, but i know that my body is expanding quicker then it should b/c i can't workout like i used to or would like and my diet mainly consists of carbs and cheese. This is all just not what my body is used to. I see my thighs are larger, which i was praying would not get so big throughout this pregnancy (they're my big trouble zone). My normally loose jeans are getting tighter and tighter. My belly goes from just a little bloated looking to like 6months pregnant looking. I keep hoping that once i start to feel better, i'll be able to eat more healthy again and workout a little more regularly, but for now, i just feel like crap about my looks. Oh, and i swear my face is already starting to bloat! I dreaded that part the most b/c i don't look good w/extra fat on my face b/c it's already long and thin and my eyes are too close together. Ugh, this is just not great on me mentally.
I am tired most of the time, i find it hard to get stuff done. I'll do some little things here and there and then need to sit down and rest for a bit. I keep thinking that if it wasn't for the constant sick feeling, i'd probably be able to just push thru the exhaustion, but i really have no idea. Reading jenny mccarthy's belly laughs really opens my eyes to a lot. And gives me hope that by the 2nd tri i should start feeling a lot better all around...until 3rd tri hits.
It's also just getting harder and harder to not tell people. We're both dying! But i keep having dreams that i go to the bathroom and bleed out everywhere. Nice, huh?! I try not to think about that stuff, but its hard not to. I don't think any woman in her 1st tri doesn't think about how easily this pregnancy can end in a miscarriage. I talk to my baby all the time and pray to God and whomever else is watching over me that we make it thru this whole pregnancy healthy. I'm mixed on my feelings of God and praying, but i do believe a lot of life and death has to do w/energies and feel that if praying is something that makes me feel better and helps me put out better energies, then i'll keep it up. So we're ready to tell people, as long as the dr says everything is good when we go for the ultrasound next monday. The wait is killer, but i'm hoping the next week flies by. We want to know that our little growing baby is ok. We want to share w/our friends and family how happy we are. We know most are gonna be so excited for us, especially my family b/c i'm the oldest of all my cousins and i think they'd like another little one around.
So here we go, 8 more days and hopefully i can even come back w/a sonogram pic. 'Til next time...

1st Dr. Appointment and Updates

I had my 1st appt. today at the dr.'s. Went well, just not exactly as expected. I thought i would have had an ultrasound done, but that's now scheduled for Sept. 21st. I really wanted one, just so i could hear the dr. say everything is ok, and we were thinking of telling people at 10 weeks, which would be the 20th. So that was upsetting, but understandable. I met w/only 1 of the midwives, she was very nice and helpful. She talked to me about a lot of stuff and did a regular exam (it was that time anyways). I had brought a notebook w/questions, but didn't break it out and thought I'd remember the most important ones. But on my way to my car i remembered i didn't ask about the tendinitis in my wrist, which is extremely painful right now. Oh well, be back there in a few weeks. Main thing i have to tell R is that no more moutain biking. I can ride the bike, just nothing extreme.
So i havn't been here in a couple weeks and a lot has been going on. 1st off, figured out the proper math and found that i'm actually a little more then 7 weeks right now, which is awesome! Its been really hard not to tell people and we finally decided that once the dr. told us everything is ok, we'll tell. I told 1 of my best friends and R did the same. They're both excited, my friend especially. She knew we were trying for so long and she's also been through a pregnancy w/another friend, so she's just gonna be awesome thru this whole thing.
About 2 weeks ago i ended up catching my husband's cold, i was not happy! I'm not a good sick person, and colds are just the worst for me. I thought i had a weak version and ended up probably doing too much and by the 4th and 5th day i was feeling so horrible and developed a low fever. Nice! Being sick and pregnant sucks!!!! I was unable to workout for over a week and the nausea started. It has sucked! I honestly think that it's b/c i didn't workout that it hit me. I have yet to actually puke, but felt like i was going to a lot. It's been a really rough couple weeks. I can't get much done at home, my house is gross! Only last night did i start to feel a little better. Toast is my best friend! And it sucks b/c i'm so big on eating healthy, but all i feel like i can stomach is bread and cheese. My #1 go to food is a hamburger bun w/a slice of cheese. I have always gotten a plain cheeseburger from mcd's and taken off the burger (not a burger fan) whenever i didn't feel good or was drinking and found that its just the perfect food to make me feel better. When i go grocery shopping fri., i'm going to get healthier versions of this stuff so i don't feel so bad about eating it. I'm having a really hard time eating fruit, which i normally just love. Veggies are hard too, but so far this week i've been able to eat most of my lunch salads. I was even able to eat some green beans 1 night when i put them ontop of some toast. Hey, whatever works. I started to workout a little on sat. and wonder if that's helping at all. My workouts have not been up to par, but hey, its better then nothing. My dr.'s office gave me a list of stuff to try out for the nausea, but won't do much else yet, especially b/c i havn't actually puked yet. We'll see how i'm feeling by my next appt. though.
I'm also extremely tired all the time. I didn't realize that would happen so soon. My boob soreness comes and goes, but it would be nice to not feel so sick so maybe i could have sex w/my husband. That part is driving me nuts! It's been over a week now, i hate any sort of drought. I know we were both sick, so that didn't help anything either, but now that we're both feeling better, it would be nice if the nausea could curb long enough for us to get it on!!!! Ugh!!!
So, i think that's it for an update. 'Til next time...

Think More Life Changes to Come...(and some belly pics)

So i've been stuck at this shit, boring ass job for just about 9 years now. I work for family and am a very loyal person, so i have had a hard time trying to leave. I also thought working here would help give me the time to figure out what i'd really like to do, yet 9 years just flew on by. I did try out school for 1 type of job, but this tendinitis in my wrist keeps me from being able to do it. I don't make much money here and it's been killing me financially.
I have now been offered a great paying job w/benefits (right now i have them thru R's employer) and a 401k and know i need to take it. It's working for another family member, not the type of job i want at all, but it is so needed and i'm going to take it. Especially right now, this is just what i need. It's about 5min from my house, whereas my job now is around 30min. It's just that this job gives me more freedom, but i still hate it here. I'm a worker and here i don't have much work to do. It should be more then worth it, and i've found out my current boss heard about this and is okay w/it (as he should be). I have other family who also works at this other place and that helps me get inside information that i really need. Now i can't wait to get out of here! I've even started to secretly take some of my stuff home. I can't say i'm going to jinx anything by talking about it right now b/c i know they really need and want me to work there. And i know that my boss right now can't afford to match the pay or extras.
So perfect changes in my life right now! I'm so excited about everything. I'm still having a really hard time not telling anyone about being pregnant and so is R, but we know its best to wait.
I'm also happy that a lot of my bloat has gone away for the moment! Now i swear my boobs are gonna give me away before the belly does! I took some pics yesterday b/c i was so happy to see the bloat gone and wanted some decent before pics. And i'm proud of these ones! Today the bloat has started to return, but since its related to me being pregnant, i don't even care. I'm just so happy!!!!


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Thinking I'm 3 Weeks - Symptoms, etc.

Now that i'm a little more calm about this, i feel like i can post w/o feeling like it'll mean a potential disaster. All weekend my husband R and i went back and forth about talking about this pregnancy. It becomes more real as we talk about it, but still, i think both of us are still in shock. I know i am! We're just weary b/c a miscarriage would be heartbreaking after having finally gotten pregnant after all this time. While ttc i tried to look up what i could about how to take care of myself to keep this baby growing healthfully and since finding out i'm pregnant i've looked into even more. I will do everything i can to keep this a healthy pregnacy.

I called my dr.'s office yesterday morning and got an appointment for Sept. 2nd at 8am. I'm so excited! I've already started writing down questions for them. Since i already work out regularly and am kind of active, i just want to make sure what i'm doing is still ok. And there's that whole peanut allergy shit and i just don't understand. I love pb and nuts and eat them almost daily, so i'm hoping that'll still be ok. Last thing i need is a kid w/peanut allergies. Then there's the swine flu vaccine coming out and pregnant women are advised to get it, but i don't know about it. I don't like putting chemicals into my body and since this is something very, very new it just makes me more uneasy. I've got more questions and i'm sure w/in the next 3 weeks i'll come up w/more.

I am having an extremely hard time not telling people. R and i have decided to tell 1 person each who we know won't tell a soul, but we're both still waiting to share. My pick is 1 of my best friends Ang. But she's going thru some hard shit in her relationship w/her husband and i don't think its time to tell her yet, although i know she's gonna be almost as happy as me. And i keep going back and forth on whether i want to tell her this soon anyways. I don't think i'm even 1 month along and i get nervous telling would jinx things. Hell, i'm hoping that i can keep my mouth shut for another 8 weeks from everyone! I'm the oldest (have 1 younger sister) and i know my mom is dying for me to get pregnant. If she didn't have such a big mouth, i would tell her right now! Hiding the fact that i'm pregnant might be hard, but i'm not sure. My boobs are already growing and my nausea varies day by day. I come from a family of drinkers (not alcoholics, just italian drinkers) and i fit in great w/them, so i'm gonna have to be extra careful about hiding why i'm not drinking. I've already come up w/a few excuses: "i drank way too much last night and can't handle it tonight", "i'm trying to cut down on drinking b/c it's making my skin look bad and adding some weight, so tonight is not my night"... got a couple more, but those are the main ones.

I wanted to also share the symptoms i've experienced so far:
very, very sore boobs (started about 3 weeks ago)
bloating and gassiness
slight dizziness
increased thirst and hunger
skin breakouts (face and body)
very light spotting about 1 week in (very, very light red on t.p. after wiping 2 days in a row)
nausea
not sure about this one - tendinitis in wrist (had this taken care of in june, but then it returned and was told that might happen in 1st trimester)
growing boobs and nipples

I think that's all of it. I'll come back and add anything that i might have forgotten. This post was probably a lot more rambling then i intended. I just can't post often and am rushing thru this one. Just sooooooo happy!!!!!!!!!! 'til next time.

Restarting Blog - Lumping of Past Posts

So I decided to start a blog of my entire pregnancy, mainly b/c I wanted to keep record of my own personal experience, but also b/c I have such a horrible memory and want to remember as much as possible about this experience. Hopefully I use this as much as I intend to!

I had a blog on another site, but I didn't really like the site, so I decided to come over here and start new. I'm just going to copy and paste all the past posts into 1 lump post and go from there.

April 22, 2009: So, here I begin again...let me start by giving some backround. I'm 26 years old, married since May '06 to the same man I've been w/since I was 17. We live in a smaller town in southern CT w/our 2 dogs. Since moving into our house in Nov. '06 we have spent the majority of our time fixing it up, to go from ugly and dated, to beautiful and ours. We are both looking forward to a big, new change in our lives. I'm very excited b/c I've been wanting to have kids for a long time now. I always wanted to be a younger mom, and when I got married at 23 I thought it was possible. But my husband wanted to wait until he finished school, so I agreed b/c I figured he was right. Now he has only 2 more weeks left! So we decided that I would go off birth control in Sept. '08 and we'd start trying in Jan. '09, which we did. Unfortunately I still have not gotten pregnant, but realize this may take time. Being on the pill for 9 years can do that to your body!

So since Sept. my body has been trying to regulate itself since being off the pill. For the 1st few months my cycles were right on time. I had horrible PMS symptoms consisting of extremely sore breasts, bad cramps, irritability, etc. My cycle in Dec. was long, almost 40 days. B/c of that I had decided to try acupuncture at the end of Jan. and have been going ever since. I love acupuncture and since starting it my last 2 cycles were shorter and my PMS symptoms barely show at all. How I've felt about the whole process so far is mixed. Excited, scared, ready, happy, scared, frustrated, hopeful, and scared. I've been wanting to have a child for a long time now, so I feel ready in that way. I'm a virgo and a big planner, so I'm sure I'll be doing a ton of research and reading way too much crap, but it's just how I am. Hell, I've been reading about this stuff for a couple years now just to have an idea of what to expect and what I was going to be getting myself into when the time finally came.

So I'll be back, hopefully posting more regularly. Guess good luck to us!

April 22, 2009: Cycle Day 42 and Another Neg. HPT

UGHHHHHHHH! I can’t believe it. I just tested my 4th time in 2 weeks and another negative test, yet I still don’t have my period. WHY?! I started acupuncture at the end of Jan. after my cycle went from 28-30 days to 39 days. I thought it was working great b/c my next cycle was 34 days and the following one 31 days. So why is this happening now? I can’t stand it. This while I hear about every other woman not even trying getting pregnant. I didn’t have an appointment w/my acupuncturist last Sat. like I normally do, so he doesn’t know about this yet. I’m going to email him after this and get his take on all this.So guess I’ll be back once I can get more information about what’s going on. This sucks!!!!!!

April 23, 2009: Waiting For OB/GYN to Call
Emailed acupuncturist yesterday to let him know what’s been up w/me and asked what he thinks I should go. He told me to call my doctor to get a blood test and meanwhile, live like I’m pregnant. I had heard that most doctors won’t bother making an appointment w/you until cycle day 60, at least, so I was very surprised when the office told me that the dr. will call me today and will probably have me get a blood test done and if that turns up negative she will then give me something that will start my period. Didn’t even know that was possible! When I told the woman on the phone that I was on cycle day 42, she expressed that that’s way too long, which is what I really needed and wanted to hear.
I printed out my chart to show my dr. if it turns out I’m not pregnant and will also ask her why she thinks I’ve been getting dizzy everyday for a couple weeks now. I personally don’t think I’m pregnant and so the dizziness has been bothering me. Of course I could easily be wrong, but I just think I’d be puking like crazy already if I was. My mom was very sick for at least the 1st 5 months of being pregnant w/me (I am the 1st born) starting at week 2, so I thought I would mirror her pregnancy at least a little bit. W/that said, I have been a little nausous for the past couple weeks, but think its more gassiness then anything, so guess I’ll find out today or maybe tomorrow.So ’til next time…

April 23, 2009: Dr. Called - No Testing Yet

So she confirmed what I had been told by others, that she won’t see me or have me get a blood test until it’s been 60 days. If nothing happens w/in that time, I call her on May 11th and go get a blood test and then go from there. She stated that sometimes your period just does this every now and then. This kinda sucks b/c I just want to know. I’m sure I could have pushed for a blood test now, but I also know she’s a great doctor and I’m going to do what she thinks is right. Now I’m going to email my acupuncturist to let him know and probably get another appointment, if he thinks I should. So I guess no real new news. Just playing the waiting game still. So until next time…

April 27, 2009: Cycle Day 47 and It’s Finally Here

For the past few days I’ve had only 2 main PMS symptoms, really sore boobs and some really light cramps. Still, didn’t know whether my period would ever show or not, so didn’t think much of them. This morning I woke up w/some big cramps, but figured they were just from the pig out day I had yesterday. I’d even gone to the bathroom a few times this morning before anything showed. But then there it was…making me face some mixed emotions. I was happy to see it finally show, but sad b/c it confirmed 100% that I am not pregnant like I wished I was.
What a process this has been! This is cycle day 47 and finally my period shows. I have never had a cycle last this long. Still have no idea what could have made it that way, maybe it’s just how my body feels like working right now. What really pisses me off is that I’ve been getting acupuncture for months and it was not only supposed to help me get pregnant, but also help my cycle be normal. So what the fuck?! Should I be going to someone else for acupuncture? And we’ve been trying since Jan. (actively trying ), only 26 years old…I just figured this would be a much quicker process.The more I think about this shit the more pissed off I get. So should I just chill out and stop thinking so much? I’m trying! I really do try to have a good, positive outlook on the whole thing, but it gets hard when things like this happen. But the negativity doesn’t help anything, it makes it worse. So maybe I wallow for the day and let that be that.
So we’re off again on another cycle. Please wish us good luck, we need and want it. Hopefully I’ll be in better spirits in my next post.

June 2, 2009: HELLO Aunt Flo…again

Yep, cycle day 36 and my period shows up. WTF?! I don’t get it! My husband and I are both healthy 26 year olds, yet we’ve been trying to get pregnant since Jan. and still nothing. Why?! I mean, i get what the possibilities could be, but still, this sucks! I really try not to get discouraged, but every month it just gets harder. I honestly believed this wouldn’t happen like this. I thought we’d have no problem and I would get pregnant right away, otherwise I would have gone off the pill a long time ago.
And lately its not so much that I’m in a rush to get pregnant, it’s that I get more scared and saddened that it’s taking so long. I’ve been going through some other stuff also, and just been having some issues mentally, but I really try to be optimistic and relaxed. But I swear around the time my period is coming, I’m a different person. If I’m not snapping at every little thing, I want to be but am holding it inside. I hate it so much and at those moments it’s really hard to stay sane like I’m supposed to be, but I still really try.
I’m done going to acupuncture…what a waste of money that seems like now. I don’t even know what else to do though. I was taking some supplements for the 1st 2 months, but that was getting a little pricey for me and I really didn’t think I’d still be trying in June, I thought for sure I’d be pregnant already. So maybe it’s time to start supplements again. And to be completely honest, I havn’t really checked in on my husband to make sure he’s been taking his regular multi vitamin supplements everyday, so I’m going to have to get on that too. What else can I do that I’m not already doing? I eat right, don’t really drink alcohol anymore, workout regularly, maintain a very healthy weight, keep my stress down for the most part, don’t smoke and try to stay away from those that do….you know, the usual shit. Maybe I should just drink all the time, do drugs, and just completely fuck up my body like some of the scumbags I hear about getting pregnant out of nowhere. Alright, so I’m not actually going to do that shit, but it’s just frustrating.
So here we go again, onto another cycle…please wish us lots of luck b/c we need it bad!

July 15, 2009: Taking a Break

After being almost 2 weeks late again, I got my period this past Sat. afternoon. Trying not to be upset by this and not to be stressed by it, I’ve decided to take a break. Not sure how long of a break I’m going to take, maybe just 1 cycle, we’ll see. I just can’t stand that its taking us so long and that my cycles are too long. Stress is not good for this process, so that’s why it’s probably a good time to take a break. I should have my annual ob/gyn appointment in August or Septemeber and I’ll see what she has to say about all this. But for now, I’m on a break, just going to enjoy my time w/my husband, we’ll keep having plenty of sex ;P. Be back soon!

August 13, 2009: Ummmm, Am I Pregnant?

Like i said in my last post, i was very lax w/the ttc process this past cycle. No temp taking, no paying attention to what cycle day i’m on, really, just no real thinking about this whole thing. Of course saying “no thinking” and actually doing it are 2 completely different things. I did find it hard not to think about it, especially w/friends and family who insist on asking if/when we want to start having kids on a weekly basis. My friends know what’s up for the most part, but family doesn’t know we’ve been actively trying since Jan.
Anywho, for the last 2-3 weeks my boobs have been killing me! I didn’t even know they could be this sore and for this long. For a bit of tmi, it definitely hinders some of our sex life, but we were able to deal w/it. Then i started noticing that i seem a little gassy and am really bloated and oddly, extremely thirsty even though i’m drinking more water then normal. Still, i didn’t chalk this up to being pregnant, just something my body feels like doing now that it’s off the pill. A few days ago i did notice what looked like a very little, very light amount of blood when i wiped after going to the bathroom a few times, but again, didn’t think that i was pregnant. But now that i’ve been suffering through the sore breasts and this insane bloating for so long, i decided to just test this morning. I got these strip tests from an website recommended by other women on thebump.com forum b/c of it’s cheap prices and accuracy. Since i didn’t really think i was pregnant, i didn’t take the test exactly like the instructions state, but damn close enough. I thought what i was seeing was negative, but once i read the instructions, i found that it said it was a positive. But i just don’t know. I do plan to test again soon, but i would like to try to wait ’til at least Sat. to get a more affirmative answer. I don’t want to believe the positive yet. Especially since i didn’t take the test 100% exactly like the directions said, and b/c when i looked into it online, i see how i could have gotten a false positive (from urination leaking too far on the test and/or from it being a chemical pregancy/misscarriage).
So guess i’ll be back in a few days w/an update. Hope it’s a happy one! Til next time…

August 15, 2009: According To 3 HPTs…

yep, pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can’t believe it! Seriously, i’m in such shock, it doesn’t feel real yet. I took 2 more tests (2 different brands) this morning right when i woke up. My husband had just gotten up so i went in to tell him. He didn’t seem very phased by it, there was no jumping for joy by either of us. We are just in complete disbelief right now. We keep talking about it here and there, but we are both trying not to get overly excited until i go to the dr. and get the positive from them. The more we talk about it, the more real it does start to feel. But i really think we’re both too nervous to get really excited about it. That’s why i’m keeping this post quick. After i go to the dr., i’ll be back. ‘Til then…